As Sarika was smoothing her hair furiously with both hands at 6 in the morning, her mother started screaming from the other room asking her to hurry up. And what was she doing at 6 in the morning? Going for a family function. Why are these functions always at ungodly hours! And let's not forget that Tamil Brahmins have as many functions as Paris Hilton's boyfriend count.
At the function
All Female Family Members(AFFM): "Aiyyo, look at you...you look SO plain! Why are you wearing such a plain shalwar? Moonji la powder kudi illa(you haven't slathered your face with powder in an attempt to look fair so that guys will notice you)."
S: "Oh thank you...nice to see you too."
AFFM: "Your neck and your hands? Cha cha onnumme illai(it's as bare as Winnie the Pooh). Where is the gold chain that your father bought for you?"
S: "I have no idea. Besides it is not my marriage. And I hate gold."
AFFM: *GASP*"How can you hate gold being a Tamilian ponnu? And you have to get married in one year...you should start collecting gold now!"
S: "Collect gold for what? Will the guy I marry be collecting gold for me?"
AFFM: "Ollaradhe(stop talking like the actor Vijay/Salman). You are the girl, you have to collect gold. And one year isn't enough time."
S: "I am NOT getting married in one year. I have just started working. I need to work atleast for 3 years. There's so much I have to do."
AFFM: *cue gasp again*"Wha...? That means you will be 25. THEN only you'll marry? Enna nee paati aayitu thaan kalyanum pannipaiya(you be too old, bitch)? All Tamil Brahmin, IIT-IIM, USA-green-card-holding, non-drinking, non-smoking boys will be taken."
S: "So?"
AFFM: "Enna so? 25 marriage means by the time you have a child you will be 26. Chi chi romba late(do it do it do it now)."
S: *silent but thinking. I will get married at 25. And give birth to a kid at 26. That leaves just 3 months for...*
AFFM: "...and he is so nice. In fact he is right here. You want to meet him? You know he has just finished engineering!"
S: "So have a million other guys. I'll go meeting all of them or what?"
AFFM: *turning a deaf year to Sarika*" See? See that boy standing there? He only. Puddichidha(like him)?"
S: "He looks as straight as a kurkure."
AFFM: "What?"
Note: Any resemblance to characters alive or dead, is purely co-incidental.
