School

My sound sleep was interrupted by my father's incessant attempts to wake me. Mother was in the kitchen making breakfast.

I heard mother screaming. It was time to wake up. I was getting late to go to the school. Father would be angry if I was late once more.

Mother kept pushing food down my throat. I threw a huge tantrum when I saw the amount of milk she had kept. My little brother and I fought over who got the smaller glass.

I watched mother divide the bread into unequal pieces. I wound up getting the smallest one. I ate it hungrily.

While I was taking a shower in the bathroom, mother was screaming because the bus was due to arrive any minute. I hastily stepped out and wore my ironed uniform.

I tried wiping the chutney stain off my dress. The water flow had reduced to just a trickle today. I hastily washed my face and hands, scared that the tap would shut off altogether.

Father stood with me at the bus stop and advised me about picking up my grades. I nodded and waited impatiently for the bus to come.

I heard father wake up from his drunken stupor. I grabbed my bag and ran out before he could see me. The last time I was late, I had my leg broken.

I got the window seat today, luckily. I sat beside my friend and we chatted nonstop about the copious amount of homework being doled out by the new teacher.

It was a long walk to school. I trudged along. My bag was unusually heavy today and the straps were cutting into my shoulders. Mother must have packed some more food today.

I waited impatiently for recess. There is only so much scribbling and passing chits one can do before mindless hunger takes over. I wanted to go to the stall outside and eat that divine green chutney sandwich. Mother had even given extra money today.

I reached the school just before lunch time. I set up the stall and waited for the bell to ring.

The Big Five Oh!

This is my 50th post at The Pursuit Of Normalcy.

OMFG! I AM SUCH A BIG FAN AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Could I please get an interview and a bite mark on my neck?
Interview? Ok. But bite mark...dude! Seriously?

ZOMG! This is the biggest day of my life! Tell me all about your blogging history, oh mighty one!
Shush mortal, shush! I have been blogging for about 4 years, although I seriously started blogging only since last year...I think the numbers prove that! It started of as something I wanted to do because everyone was doing it. But now it has become something much more. It has become an excuse to not work.

So what do you blog about, lovely lovey dove?
So many many things.

• I review useless movies such as Singham. Also, books that I cannot stand like the Twilight Saga. In fact, I started this blog with a review.
• I also write about my family. They're totally lovable. And crazy. Thank god they're crazy. Otherwise, I wouldn't be able to write about life lessons such as Get Pregnant Before 25 Or DIE!, Movies Guaranteed To Make Your Parents Paranoid(more than they already are), and Wedding Drama.
• I write about my college life, crazy friends and of course a beautiful thing called love.

A to the MAZING! So your most popular posts are?
I have noticed people seem to like it when I am frustrated. No wonder posts like this and this became big hits.


Where else do you grace your amazing presence?
Everyone has their hobbies. And my latest one is photography. Check out the pictures here. They were all taken by me *collar-liftings* :)


Although I totally know the answer(and it is "Because I am awesome!!!" which you totally are), why should people continue reading your blog?
Well, I think I am somewhat funny. And other people seem to agree. This blog's readers have grown from 2 to a whooping 22. So thank you, readers. Thank you for reading the random scribblings of a maniac. Big louwes for you.

---

Is this interview over? Because I'd like the 100 bucks you promised me right about now.
Ahem.

Dear US Return,

Note: I am not generalizing people who return from the US. Just jotting down a few things because of some irritating people I have come across..

-> After staying in some kurukku sandhu(or gully) in India for over 20 years, it is just impossible that you speak with an accent. Because as far as I know, you couldn't speak English properly when you were here. So, who are you trying to fool? Oh and one more thing...the accent totally slips when you say "Anna, oru straaaang filter kaapi, chakra jaasthi".


-> Yes, India is crowded. That is how it was, is and will be(because India is where it's all happening). So stop asking us why. And stop complaining to us. We don't care. We have more important things to do rather than listen to an adult throwing tantrums.


-> You're not the only one who watches English movies/series. We do too. And yes, we understand the dialogues. And there's no need to be surprised. In fact, we're surprised that your favourite on-screen character has changed to Rachel of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. fame from Abhi of Kolangal "fame".


-> Stop walking around with Bisleri in your hands. And stop asking us if the water that we serve at our homes is mineral or not. We don't take water from the nearby gutter and keep it at our homes! Although if we knew you were visiting, we would've done exactly that.


-> If you don't want to eat food that street vendors sell, don't. We don't want to hear "Oh my gawd, is this place, like, hygienic?". We have insides made of iron. We can stomach anything. And maybe you don't remember, but we remember you eating like a pig at this very place(before you left for US) and lecherously staring at girls, saying "Machaan, antha sooper figura paaru da!".


-> Indian food is spicy, flavourful and divine. Whether it's the dosa, the pav bhaji, the dhokla, the aloo paratha, the samosa, the khara bath...I could go on forever. So stop ranting about how the food is too spicy. If that's the case, we will not take you to Grand Sweets for your customary have-to-buy-all-edible-things-there-before-I-go-to-US shopping spree.


-> Cows roam the street. They stand in the middle of the road and vehicles drive around them. Naturally, there will be few patches of cow dung here and there. So when you look at it, stop saying "Ewwww gross!". Walk around it. And yes, there are a few cockroaches too. Stop complaining about them. At least we don't have a cockroach named after our country, like the American Cockroach. And dogs will do it in the street. Don't ask us why. I know it's surprising, but we don't keep track of their mating seasons.

Yours Truly,
"We are like this only"

Squeals On Wheels

Dear readers, you will have to survive through a long winding conversation(I have thrown in a few jokes to make it interesting!) to get to the actual post. So bear with me.

HDFC lady(HL): I need address proof, Madam.
Me: Is the Bangalore house agreement fine?
HL: No. Permanent address proof, Madam.
Me: What about an Airtel bill?
HL: As long as it is a current bill, fine Madam.
Me: No, it's a telephone bill*Chuckle*!
HL: What Madam?
Me: I said it's a telepho...never mind. I have the bill for July.
HL: July, no. August only Madam.
Me: Okay. Can I scan and send it?
HL: No. Hard copy Madam. You need to sign on it. That's why.
Me: What if I sign on it and scan it to you and you take a colour printout? Huh? Huh? Won't that work?
HL: Actually it migh...no no. Hard copy only. Is it in your name?
Me: No. It's in my father's name.
HL: Sorry Madam. That won't work!
Me: But that is where I live too!
HL: What about driving license, Madam?

---

And my answer to her question was, is and always will be a vehement no. I shouldn't be allowed to touch a cycle, let alone a scooter or a car. My tragic affair with vehicles begins at:

Age 8 - Cycle

Guess who just had to take a spin around the park before going off to explore pavilions at Dubai Shopping Festival(Actually, with my dad the case is that we take a peek at the exterior of every other country's pavilion but venture in and explore only the Indian Pavilion. Rational arguments like "But Appa, we go to India every year! What's the point of going to the Indian pavilion?" would be dismissed)? 


My father grudgingly accompanied me to the park. I was still getting used to the absence of training wheels. So while I pedalled furiously, my father would hold the cycle and run. At one point, he left it and stood to watch.

He watched proudly as his daughter rode the cycle. He watched her turn her head and shout "Appaaaa!" for 10 seconds. And then he watched her hit the pavement, fly off the cycle and clash with a tree. Not just any tree, though. A palm tree, which quite frankly is the only kind of tree you'll get to see in the Gulf. Please make a note of the monster spikes that adorn the bark of the tree.

I did get hurt quite a bit. On the plus side though, I got a black eye. Super cool! For a month, I enjoyed the terror I caused amongst the kids in the neighbourhood.

Age 10 - Roller Skates

After some tantrum throwing(I am a quite spoiled), I got roller skates and we all went to the park to check it out. As I took baby steps in my skates, my brother(who was about 3) did the same next to me. So I caught his hand to help him walk. And all of the sudden, the stupid thing started running. And I fall and get a major sprain. No amount of begging would convince my dad that I actually got hurt. He made me walk to see if I was okay. I wasn't. In fact, it escalated to a dislocation.

On the plus side, I got to choose the colour of my cast(I chose red :P)!

Age 17-20 - Cycle

And life comes to a full circle again. If there was some sort of "NIT Book of Tiruchchirappalli Records", my name would be right against Largest Number of Accidents on a Cycle.

-> The first time I climbed onto a cycle in college, I couldn't get off it because I was scared to fall. So I had to throw the cycle down and step over it. What an elegant solution, I thought to myself. Little did I know, that there were spectators there.

-> I finally managed to relearn cycle riding. And then I decided "Hey why not put another innocent soul's life in jeopardy?". So I took one of my most lightweight friends "doubles" because we were late to class. We fell. She never asked me for doubles again.

-> As I was riding my cycle slowly and somewhat steadily, two guys sped past me. Suddenly, feminism took over(I'm crazy like that) and I entered into a race with two unknowing participants. Once I took over them, I turned my head around to give them this "Losers! Suckers!" look, I collided with another guy riding a cycle. I fell off, somersaulted on the road and just sat there and laughed because it was just so funny! Of course, it wasn't funny anymore when I had to pay for that guy's cycle's damages.

-> I was washing my cycle and I broke a nail. What!!! That counts as an accident too!

A-B-C(Part 3)

Ola! Do read Part 1 and Part 2 before you read any further!

Mess: I know...you must think I am mental. I miss the mess more than anything else. Everything other than eating used to take place...

-> Fighting with the akkas for more food
P.S.: The akkas were extremely smart. While serving chutney, they'd take a ladle-full, pour half back into the container and spread the remaining chutney on your plate so that it looks like a lot.
P.P.S.: I had this friend A who was amazing at fighting with the akkas. Once when the akka put 2 "barely there" cutlets on her plate, A slyly said "Akka, the cutlets are still visible...make sure you make them smaller next time". We all died laughing in the mess!

-> Talking
Everyone will be talking about everything under the sun. The best part? You can tune into as many conversations as you want and ultimately the entire table will end up discussing about something as trivial as the lack of gentlemen and the abundance of cow dung in the college.

-> "Under the table" deals
Sounds weird? It's simple. A likes Gobi and hates Paneer. B likes Paneer and hates Gobi. Exchange and voila! A has 2 Gobi. B has 2 Paneer. Sigh, Math should have been taught like that.


Night outs: Such an integral part of an engineer's life...this. Basically, you stay awake all night. My parents always asked me why I did night outs when there were 24 hrs in a day! The question is best answered by the following pie chart(Click on it to view the font!).

Outings: Trichy's close proximity to Kodai, Pondi, Coorg resulted in a lot of trips to these places. I still remember the time R and I went to Kodai on an impromptu trip. We were bored in hostel and we decided to just get up and go to Kodai. I still remember that weekend as one consisting of excessive good food, lots of chocolate, bike rides around the lake and fun!
And with R and S I went to Pondi. We sat on the beach for hours and watched the sunrise while hot chocolate provided warmth to our hands, providing amazing business to Choco La and talking nineteen to dozen!
Another noteworthy trip was with R and R to Coorg. Fighting with the waiters at Sangeethas, fighting with the guys in the train, laughing till our stomachs hurt...


Parties: I miss the late-night "parties" we had in hostel. Hurried transportation of breakable items, looking out for the warden, adjustment of light fixtures, setting up the music for the mood, lots of dancing and ultimately chugging, screaming, confessing, laughing, crying. Ah memories :P


Quadrangle: This strip of land was the one thing that was used by Opalites for all kinds of phony purposes. This is where girls would walk around and talk to their boyfriends/"just friend" all night. This is where we would give our friends The Placement Treatment. This is where we would regress and run around, chasing a friend. This is where we, as a batch, would assert our dominance during Opal week. This is where we'd fight with the warden to shift roll call. This is where it all happened :)



Ragging: I know people make a big deal of this, but my first year was so much fun because of ragging! Wacky seniors who gave us even wackier things to do made it an exciting experience. Showing emotion in a sine wave manner(you cry first and then gradually build up to a guffaw and then go back to crying...innovative huh?), proposing to random guys, sneaking(behind their backs) to go to the forbidden places, writing assignments for them, guessing names based on their faces...all part of the fun! Although I will add, I did not rag any juniors...at least not badly(I think the worst thing I have done is make a junior sing "Kabhi Kabhi Aditi" in English while dancing around like a snake). And even if I did, I always apologized profusely later :P

They grow up fast!

I have a brother who is 7 years younger than me. However, according to my mom our mental age is pretty much the same. In fact, I might be a little more immature than him, you know. For example, whenever his friends call, I make it a point to scream "Ooooh is that your girlfriend?" or "{Insert bro's name - I cannot defame him in public, you see}, that girl you met yesterday is calling for you on the other line"! Or when he orders a dish in the hotel, I always keep "tasting" food from his plate. Or when he is watching TV/playing on his PSP/PS2(Spoiled much?), I just have to dance in front of the TV or close his eyes so as to block his view. Or when he is completing his record book, I ramble on and on about I am jobless and I am free to do whatever I want. I know, I am such an asshole :P


But one day, you realize that your baby brother isn't really a baby anymore. And it's kind of unsettling...this feeling. You know your younger brother is growing up when:

• He has a mobile phone
  Can you see the dabba phone above? That is my phone. It has a zillion scratches on it. It hangs more than a cool guy from the hood does with his homies. And its display is screwed up. My brother on the other hand has the phone pictured below. It's not just a phone, it's a smart phone. Pfft.
  
  
  
  
• He is part of the community "OMFG Megan Fox is so hot she must have been a part of the sun!!!!!" on Facebook
  I know, right? First of all, how did he even find this community? If he found it by searching for it, were the keywords a combination of the words Megan, Fox and Hot? Scary :|
  
  
• He runs to another room when he gets a message or callYep. Every. Single. Time. And he lowers his voice like he is a top secret government agent! But the best Facepalm I have ever witnessed happened to him the other day. My parents, my brother and me are waiting for the lift. And suddenly, he gets a call. As usual, he runs away saying(with fake irritation and actual expectation in his voice) "Oh my god...who is calling me now!?!". But by the time he could answer the phone, the caller cut the phone. And when he checks the missed calls list, it turns out my dad was calling him. Haha my dad's sense of humour rocks!
  
  
• You need him to retrieve things from the top shelf and not vice-versa
  He is so very tall! I think the last time I looked down at him was when he was in 7th grade! If human dominance could be asserted only on the basis of height, I'd be gone!
  
  
• He takes more time than you to get dressed
  I have written a small algorithm for your benefit.
  
  1. Start
  2. Comb hair till you are satisfied
  3. If outfit already chosen go to step 9. Else step 4.
  4. Choose an outfit
  5. Try on the outfit and stare at yourself in the mirror for 10 minutes
  6. Outfit sucks? Go back to step 3. Else go to step 7
  7. Happy? Awesome! Aww shucks now the hair's all messed up
  8. Go back to step 2
  9. Finish an entire bottle of Axe deodourant
  10. End