How to show people you're in a relationship 101

Did you just get committed? Did you just find the love of your life? Did you just fall in true love for the 7th time? Well, congratulations you nail-filing, Edward-Cullen-loving, I-think-Taylor-Swift-rocks dumbass. Now that you're in "relationship" how exactly do you let your second cousin, twice removed's husband's mother's aunt know? This is where I come to your rescue. I have come up with a collection of tips just for you! Ready? Let the education begin!

• Walk together...in any dimly lit areas that you can find. Just like in the image below. This will force even disinterested people to linger.
  

• Walk together...in brightly lit public places and indulge in heavy PDA. Yes, it is extremely important that you do it!
• When someone walks by you, move away from your partner noticeably and look down or just ignore the other person.
  
• Girls, this one is for you. Situation: you're out with "your man" in a restaurant. What do you do? Answer: Do not eat...nibble/peck/say you're full after eating a noodle.
• Restaurant scene again - you could try eating from the same plate. That's a move guaranteed to nauseate.
• Write a note professing your love to your love on Facebook and -the following is even more important- make it public. Attention is bound to be yours.
• Another Facebook move - Put up pics of your better half and you and as a caption, have "♥ you 4eva". WORKS!
• If you ever get a phone call from your "soul mate", smile at the screen and say I'll just be back to your friends, and before you leave hearing radius, pick up and start talking.
  

These are just off the top of my head. Oh and another thing - go kill yourselves. Or at least, get a room!