Dear US Return,

Note: I am not generalizing people who return from the US. Just jotting down a few things because of some irritating people I have come across..

-> After staying in some kurukku sandhu(or gully) in India for over 20 years, it is just impossible that you speak with an accent. Because as far as I know, you couldn't speak English properly when you were here. So, who are you trying to fool? Oh and one more thing...the accent totally slips when you say "Anna, oru straaaang filter kaapi, chakra jaasthi".


-> Yes, India is crowded. That is how it was, is and will be(because India is where it's all happening). So stop asking us why. And stop complaining to us. We don't care. We have more important things to do rather than listen to an adult throwing tantrums.


-> You're not the only one who watches English movies/series. We do too. And yes, we understand the dialogues. And there's no need to be surprised. In fact, we're surprised that your favourite on-screen character has changed to Rachel of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. fame from Abhi of Kolangal "fame".


-> Stop walking around with Bisleri in your hands. And stop asking us if the water that we serve at our homes is mineral or not. We don't take water from the nearby gutter and keep it at our homes! Although if we knew you were visiting, we would've done exactly that.


-> If you don't want to eat food that street vendors sell, don't. We don't want to hear "Oh my gawd, is this place, like, hygienic?". We have insides made of iron. We can stomach anything. And maybe you don't remember, but we remember you eating like a pig at this very place(before you left for US) and lecherously staring at girls, saying "Machaan, antha sooper figura paaru da!".


-> Indian food is spicy, flavourful and divine. Whether it's the dosa, the pav bhaji, the dhokla, the aloo paratha, the samosa, the khara bath...I could go on forever. So stop ranting about how the food is too spicy. If that's the case, we will not take you to Grand Sweets for your customary have-to-buy-all-edible-things-there-before-I-go-to-US shopping spree.


-> Cows roam the street. They stand in the middle of the road and vehicles drive around them. Naturally, there will be few patches of cow dung here and there. So when you look at it, stop saying "Ewwww gross!". Walk around it. And yes, there are a few cockroaches too. Stop complaining about them. At least we don't have a cockroach named after our country, like the American Cockroach. And dogs will do it in the street. Don't ask us why. I know it's surprising, but we don't keep track of their mating seasons.

Yours Truly,
"We are like this only"